sometimes i could just break down
collapse

sink to the floor
with my back to the wall
slowly
lifting my hands to cover my fluid face
to hold it together
what falls apart

sometimes
small seconds that overcome me in moments of emptyness

fervor
ardor

passion

are just missing in my life

and the one i love in the way i could fuck him every day of the week
the one doesnt need them
fervor
ardor
passion

he can not even spell them
hes heard of them thats all
and he might believe, that they are minor parts of life
maybe you feel them once or twice every ten years. or in your whole life

well thats what hes like
i cant accuse him of just being who he is
of wanting what he wants
and not wanting what he doenst want
because that is basically not a choice




but what does all of that do to me
tell me william

how am i supposed to live next to this man
whom i love
who loves me

how should i keep them back for my entire life
the kisses
the slow kisses, the running hands all over his skin
his tongue in every corner of my body
the sincerity of the emotion
the need the urge
to hold him like the world is gonna stop tomorrow

to hold him strongly an firmly thinking about how much i love him
and how lucky we are to share this love
to trust
to believe in this love
the passion could overwhelm me
it could make me rawer and more naked than ive ever been




but the emotion, the need the lets forget about everything else...
the deep and inner and animal wish to fuck me...

no he doesnt have that



do i have to live without it forever?




thats when i sink down.
my life is the fullest it could be, and i am just happy
still: a life with renunciation.